When They Find Out

I don’t have my own words to explain this. I don’t need them.

“My dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.
~ Falsely yours”

“My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job and our family had to do everything we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which is you can fail at what you don’t want, so why not take a chance at doing what you love?”
-Jim Carrey

“If you really want something, you don’t stop for anyone or anything until you get it.”
— Blair Waldort

“You have to be odd to be number one.”
— Dr. Seuss

“But there are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely — or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.”
— Oscar Wilde

“So many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.”
— Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

“There is only one success… to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.” -Christopher Morley, Where the Blue Begins, 1922

“You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right. ”
-Rosa Park

“She’s figured out all her doubts were someone else’s point of view”
-Green Day

“If success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not live in your heart, it is not success at all.”
-Anna Quindlen

“Cherish your best hopes as a faith, and abide by them in action. Such shall be the effectual fervent means to their fulfillment.”
-Margaret Fuller

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Weekly Recap #1

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This week was a roller-coaster for me personally, but also the news these days has been intense.

Joan Rivers passed away, which was quite controversial as many people had different opinions on her intense nature.

Personally, I don’t find this news worthy of some of my research skills. Was she a great person or was she really quite terrible? While this debate certainly says a lot about media and society, I have papers to write and sleep to be had. The only thing that happened this week that I actually want to talk about is how one of my mangers at work thought Betty White died!

Clearly, she didn’t.
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Betty White headline on CNN.

Thank goodness as she’s the only famous person over the age of 80 that anyone actually cares about.

You know what I wished the news covered more? Everything that is going on with Gaza, as I can’t figure out exactly what is happening for the life of me.

If I ever figure it out, I will be sure to let you know!

How about you? What kind of news did you wish got more coverage? Let me know in the comments below!



Dry Makeup? Just Add Alcohol! But Be Warned!

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A few ago while researching how to make my own eyeshadow (which I realized would be a bit expensive to startoff) I came across some interesting information.

There were so many odd tricks to “rejuvenate” makeup past its original life. While some of these seemed dangerous or not worth the effort, there was one that my 1AM brain found all-too-appealing…

How To Do It

If you’re anything like me, you will be impatient and up at 1AM and have limited resources. 

First problem I had was I didn’t think I had 70% Isopropyl alcohol. However, the bottle we had, was exactly 70%!

Next, I didn’t have a tiny dripper or plastic wrap. How did I overcome this? Simple.

I made a huge fucking mess!

A very accurate photo for not being an actual photo.

A very accurate photo for not being an actual photo.

But it gets better. The first item to spruce up, was my cream eyeliner that I used to love but had been too dry lately for me to use without redoing my eyeliner 10 times! So, I drip a few drips into my black creamy abyss and all was well. I got some on my hands but I wasn’t overly concerned.

Well I  should have been.

The alcohol made it spread to where my hands were solid black. But I still wasn’t concerned. Until I tried to wash off a spot on the counter. Note, that my eyeliner wasn’t the easiest to get off my eyelids, but never had been a problem on a hard surface!

Needless to explain further that I spend the next 30 minutes washing my hands with the following:

Soap, dry scalp shampoo, Tresemme shampoo, witch hazel, a loofa (for scrubbing), and the one thing that worked: VO5 shampoo.

What did I do afterwards? Tried again and again and none of the eyeshadows caused as big of a problem.
Thank goodness!

Any weird beauty tips you’ve tried or that you think I should try? I’m up for anything as I have put raw eggs in my hair before just to find out I’m actually allergic to raw eggs on contact! Let me know below!




Feline Photo Friday #1


My sister's/Reynaa's cat of 6 years. So cute! Her name is "Sweetie Pie".

My sister’s/Reynaa’s cat of 6 years. So cute! Her name is “Sweetie Pie”.

Today I chased two cats around the house before deciding to go with ol’ trusty Sweetie Pie as my first Feline Photo Friday! She is a moody, maturing cat with feather-like fur. She does not get along well with other cats and enjoys having her own space with her mom! She particularly hates my cat, Apollo. The feeling is mutual! All tiger-striped cats seem a bit crazy and the fact that she is also a female creates a real double-whammy! I, personally, have never met a female cat that wasn’t somewhat bitchier than male cats! Here’s some info on Sweetie’ straight from the horse’s cat’s mouth!

Sweetie’s Favorite Hobbies:

-Glaring with disgust at her minions (the other cats)

-Snuggley-time with mom!

-Chowin’ on some grub.

Sweetie’s Dislikes:

-Being without my mom when she’s busy and not home.

-An empty food dish.

-Being awakened by her roommate, Sebastian’s, cries.

Sweetie’s Résumé (she suggested I put this into her short biography)


Lived in a cockroach apartment.

-Helped keep my mom calm during the “invasion”.

-Experience with mouse play, string catching, and purring.

-I scared the cockroaches away after a month. 


Repecho Drive Apartments

-Duties included: living with one male and one female cat and practicing evacuation drills every-time the door was opened.

-Promoted in 2010 to Cat Leader. Duties included: Punishing the minions, waking up my mom for work, directing evacuation drills.


Lived in Los Angeles Apartment

-Managed to survive with 2 ferrets, 2 lovebirds, 2 rats, and fluctuating amounts of mice.

-See above and read again!


Moved to Sacramento House

-I am currently a personal assistance to my mom and only work part time.

I hope to retire soon!

Do your cat’s ever demand you to write up their resume? Let me know in the comments below!


Today, While in the Shower… Throwback Thursday #1!

Today while in the shScreen Shot 2014-09-04 at 7.38.09 PMower I found a great question for the internet. Why does hot water sometimes feel cold? I turn in my shower and start some music. While we’ve only lived in this house for a few months, I feel comfortable with getting the shower temperature just right without actually checking. As I step into the shower, I actively avoid the water at first. I freeze; why the hell am I worried that the water will feel cold? I step closer and let the water hit me. So cold! It feels cold for about ten seconds. Why is this?

Well I can tell you I am not insane! Not for this reason, anyway. 

According to Mental Floss (my favorite go-to site for odd info) this momentary sensory confusion happens to everyone. Neurologists term this confusion as either the paradoxical cold or the paradoxical warmth and the only variable between different people is the amount of time these last. What causes this moments? Well, our hands have sensory receptors that send signals to the brain to help us understand what we’re touching. Some receptors receive sensations of cold (cold spots) and others receive warmth (warm spots).¹ 

Apparently my body isn’t just an insane-freakazoid. Phew!

Also, if it wasn’t apparent, this is a throwback Thursday because I have always wondered why this feeling occurs.

Read the article¹


Just Frustrated

I just want to take some form of a writing class. Yet it seems impossible.

I can’t even handle the frustration right now to allow me to vent here. I want an outlet or independence. I can only do so much to get these things. I don’t feel like myself these days. I am not used to having a resting rage at all times. It takes a toll on my thought processing.

I need to work on letting go.


Maybe I will fell less frustrated.

Grasping at Straws

I have been trying to find a solution that’s not applicable to the question. I was debating changing my major.


But I realized my problem had nothing to do with my major. My problem was my lack of freedom; emotional and physical. Every change I make is me trying to reclaim myself.

The cause you ask?

Daddy issues.

I need to be independent and I will do anything to get there.


While my summer has proven to be shockingly eventful, I have found time to almost complete the entire series that is Californication.
All this insanely addictive show has done for me is make me want, need, to write. I find solace in words somehow but at the same time I feel that reading is ultimately a way to escape real life and in that respect it is not something I want to indulge myself in. Unless, of course, I choose to read as a way to pass time on a train. Other than that situation, it appears to be nothing more than a waste.
I like to think this is why I sound better in song lyrics. Short. Sweet. Inspiring. And it gets you to move and the majority of the time it isn’t an all-consuming experience. People use music as background inspiration. They don’t touch and flip pages, they don’t watch the music note from note on a page. The don’t smell the book (or perhaps the nook).
And yet what few books I have run away to were emotionally draining in the best possible ways.
I’m not sure if this inner conflict will ever resolve itself. It’s just that image I have of that English teacher trying to preach to all the English majors and nonmajors of how amazing books and writing are. All because they let you live time and time again.
It pissed me off so much that I changed my major. Again.
You’re not living in books, you’re escaping. At the very most they are inspiring you to stop fucking reading books and find your own story worth telling.
Well shit.
I think I’ve found my answer and alas, I have another question…
Is it wrong/illogical to greatly enjoy writing but for the most part hate reading?
I’ve always heard writers need to read read read. No commas. No breaths.
But maybe they’ve got it wrong.
Or maybe I am insane and an increasingly terrible writer.

Perhaps I can remind myself of all the high school teachers who were frustrated with me and my intelligence and my lack of participation.
I was called a sponge from time to time. As I never did anything but listen and absorb.

But in my defense, if you saw what some of those participants said, it was just frustrating.

As someone who has always wanted to be a teacher, for as long as I can remember, I would be bored in class and play out various scenarios in my head.
These scenarios were of two main varieties:
First, me predicting a student’s question due to the teacher’s lack of clarity, lack of pronunciation, lack of specifics, or due to the student fiddling with their pen or sneezing, or most likely- just having terrible listening skills.
Second, were class discussions. I wasn’t too good at predicting the teacher’s initial question, but from there I could predict what someone, not a specific student as I really didn’t care, would respond with. Then I would see a counter-argument by another student. Then I could hear the first student’s response to him/her. Then I could hear the teacher intervene and say they both make good points, or whatever.

I’m not saying I was bored because I was some kind of literary genius, I’m saying I was bored because I had spent most of my days in a classroom understanding both the student’s and teacher’s perspectives and was so bored with the dynamic and lack of any real development.

Most of my English classes were so frustrating because I didn’t care about allegories or understanding what some song lyrics by Modest Mouse were about.

I’m not too great at getting the deeper meaning of certain kinds of writing.
I suck at Bible references as I have never read more than a tiny bit of it. The bits I have read were for school. I didn’t know the story of Adam and Eve until I was 14.

I guess more than anything, I feel like some literary devices need to be left in a quiet slumber. Left to leave us in a unclear awe as we focus on the key elements and the big picture of books and shows like Californication. Those little bits are great and maybe some people become great writers by dissecting art, but it just sounds scientific and all too insignificant to any author whose work was being broken down and exposed in a half-hazard manner.

All I know is Californication is a stunning show and inspires me.

I doubt there’s much else I really need to extract from my emotions towards it.

Reasons why My Dad Sucks

I’m not trying to be an asshole, it’s just I need motivation to move out.

With that in mind, let us begin:

1. He gets furious at the amount of toilet paper we (the girls of my family) use!!! Like WHAT THE FUCK?!

2. He gets mad if you trip and make only a high pitched noise. If it is a loud ass grunt you’re ok. But NOT any growling “cause it scares him”.

3. He likes to starve us and not buy food. In the last month I have spent 300 on food. We sometimes have bread. He doesn’t like to buy soy milk even though my stomach can no longer really handle milk.

4. He will let us run out of soda. Soda is my only caffeine source. I NEED caffeine. I’ve tried to stop but it is so hard when it’s cheap and makes the rice you eat 10x a week taste like more than just white rice.

5. He lied about our new house. My sisters and mom can’t have tv’s in their room because it would cost too much to hook up.

6. He referred to my brother as his step-son to his brother on the phone. I wanted to murder him.

7. He can’t remember my major or what I want to do.

8. He lied for a year about buying me a car and I could have saved up and bought one already. I didn’t do this because it could/would have pissed him off.

9. He own’t trust my mom with a credit card ever since she bought my sister and I lunch one time 8 or 9 years ago.

10. We must keep our cats in our rooms at night so he doesn’t get woken up. Needless to say they scratch at the door and cry so much that none of us are getting enough sleep.

11. He is cheap about every fucking thing.

12. He doesn’t listen

13. He is almost always condescending.

14. He interrupts everyone

15. He asks what you said when he enters a room even when the conversation was not directed towards him in any way.

16. He gets mad if you’re in anywhere he wants to be EVEN IF YOU WERE THERE FIRST

17. He gets mad if you eat dinner before him. Basically we HAVE to wait for him to eat before we do.

18. If you eat anything from 4pm to 6pm he will say “well aren’t you eating dinner?” or “didn’t you eat lunch?” Coming from an obese man here!

19. Inconsistent parenting throughout my life

20. It’s a daily effort not to fucking hate him.

21. My mother inherited a house from her friend years and years ago. He told her not to pay some sort of fee and I was like 4 or 5 and we got EVICTED.

22. He has evaded taxes before many many years in a row.

23. Because of this I couldn’t get the fafsa for YEARS

24. I can’t apply for medical *obamacare* because i would need his Drivers license as i am under 25.

25. He told my sisters they could move in and has been a complete asshole ever since/

26. He has screamed at me when a computer stops working. He then got mad when I cried. He then got mad when my mom got mad at him. Then he said I was spoiled. And for my mom to let him raise his daughter.

27. He never sees his now 30 something year old son. And hasn’t since he was 12. I can’t understand that.

28. He got mad when I wanted to see a psychologist. I was diagnosed bipolar. After i decided to stop seeing my psychiatrist, my parents both decided I wasn’t bipolar. So three years later when I wanted to find a way to see a psychologist he got mad. AGAIN. I still haven’t seen one since.

29. HE IS SO FULL OF SHIT WHY AM I STILL LIVING HERE? I’D rather have crippling arthritis (cause i wouldn’t afford rent and my doctor bills) and living in a fucking alleyway.