Grrr. I don’t even care if I sound bitchy or even if I irritate myself with the way I write at the moment. Lately I have had the whole world against me. Notice how the word “felt” is not in that sentence. Despite all my irritation I still don’t expect things to go wrong. I still believe positive thinking is important. Whether or not it actually helps any is still debatable in my book, however. I’ve got plans Tuesday. That’s it. That’s the extent of my life. There’s this quote about how people should work in/do what makes them “alive”. And it has been making me crazy. The quote continues to say that the world needs more people who are “alive”. I know what that is for me but it’s just so far. These past few months I’ve had to keep picking myself up from these fucking disasters (in my world at least) and it’s like I’ve run out of fuel. I haven’t told my friend I quit my job still just so I’d have reasons to stay away from them. I’m so tired of my college major defining me. I’m tired of school. I have hardly any choices with these things yet I don’t want to accept the only things I can do. I am expecting a third option that I don’t have.
Maybe being me is some kind of disorder.
I know I sound dramatic but I have never felt so stuck before.