I Want to Help People

To make a long story very, very short, my sister and I went to the E.R yesterday for her nearly daily vomiting (at her doctor’s suggestion). Simply put, they didn’t get anywhere. We still have no idea why she keeps vomiting and bloating (there’s a lot of poop in her that won’t come out though she still poops some, just not enough).

But the whole 7 to 8 hour experience made me wonder why, exactly, I never thought to become a doctor/nurse/healthcare person.

I want to help people. I could see parts of my personality in the RN’s. But I couldn’t really see myself there. But sometimes, by really wanting to help someone, I can do more than I normally can. I’ll happily order food for someone who’s too anxious. But there are many, many times where I am too anxious to even leave the house. But somehow, other people’s needs are enough for me to be okay. If that makes any sense… It’s just how I am? Maybe I turn into robot-mode when I feel like someone needs me. I mean, I am good in a crisis, or at least the few situations that are as close to a crisis as I can imagine (being LOST in San Francisco but figuring out how to get to the freeway in about 15 minutes just based on guess and check).

I mean, even if I wanted to somehow become some sort of healthcare professional, I’m too lacking in my own physical health to even consider it.

But it was nice, to once again after a while, realize  how much I do want to help people. Even if all the damn people of the world make me shake my fist at times!

I know I want to help people but I just want to help them at/with something I don’t suck at or can greatly endanger them with.

So not a doctor. Obviously. It’s just frustrating because I want to help people. People who need help can bring a lot of stress. I’m not sure how much stress from others I can actually handle. I don’t want to rule full aspects of life out just because I’ve “thought away” any and all possibilities. But, like I said, I don’t exactly want to murder someone on an operating table either.

Ugh.

I want to help people. Damn it.

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